Recently while I was checking for something on my email account, I stumbled upon a mail from dad in April 2009. It was a picasa album of his visit to Germany,his only trip abroad. I don’t know how I had passed it then, but had. The pics were so perfect, the narration impeccable…ought to be, from someone like him. But my heart tore, as he is not a part of this world any more.
They say time heals. In a way, its true. Life goes on. But what people leave behind make a ocean of a difference to those around. When you miss people it is not necessarily, the physical aspects of men and matter . Its in the smallest of things, in the beautiful memories and the inspiring moments.
Unfortunate though, to a man who meant the world to me, i dont think I did enough. I had never been that expressive kind of person with feelings (until I found some respite in blogging). Anyways, fact is, I had never felt a need to express and I would like to believe what a friend said – they know, parents always know.
The last blog he read of mine was an inspired poetry called ‘best friends’. He read it just before he left to the hospital for his first time admission for a tumour treatment and all he said was “I think you are missing your best friend but you always have the option of also choosing your parents to be one”. I just totally scoffed at the idea in my ever so usual manner of ‘Oh come on!’ (little did i realise i would lose him in a month from then).
And yet…today am inspired to write about him and am not going to resist myself from the flow… He made me feel so special and worthy. He was always ready to talk to me about things and hear anything I say (which over a period of time was practically very little). He was my reference point on anything I wanted to know. I still remember I learnt the meaning of the F letter word from him. Someone mentioned it at my school as an unutterable word and I went back to check with him. If he was surprised, he never showed. He simply gave an example of what a pair of street dogs did a couple of days back and said humans do similar things and proliferation happens, and that it was a slang.
Sometimes when you see a man living a life of a Buddha you do not want to accept it. Not because it isn’t obvious but because in practicality you think Buddhas are not made for real worlds (my poor version of real world here). Such was my take on my dad.
But am the proudest daughter today to say I grew up with a person who simply by his deeds showed how life is to be lived . He stayed humble, curious (with a highly scientific bent of mind) and strong, facing life alike in adversity or otherwise. He had no regrets and carried no unnecessary baggages. He had an unimaginable way of treating everyone with love no matter what. Somehow he was simply incapable of finding shortcomings in anyone. If he found value in doing something for someone he would do it – no matter who it was. He was always abreast of the happenings around and would never sit idle. Learning, doing & serving – in other words simply living without further thoughts – that pretty much sums him.
Here is something I wish to say to anyone reading this. Its easy to believe life would always be the way it is. But, everything will change and there will be a time when the very things you thought were yours will be no more. Retrospective thoughts and theories are futile. A big difference a human can make is in the way he lives, and in the way he makes his people feel….worthwhile, special or otherwise!
There are times you feel hollow
Like a life without a soul
When you lose someone
Who inspires you the most!
In such times though you grope for words
They feel so shallow
And justice it does not,
To express the depth
Of the way you felt!
But true gratitude or in memory of
Would be to immortalize
The best of the values you learnt from them
By passing it on to the rest of the world…
Then the flame of their wonderful memories
And good life, would go around
And live a befitting life, in the souls of men
Who would never let them die !