Category Archives: Musings / Poetry

My Dad & I

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Recently while I was checking for something on my email account, I stumbled upon a mail from dad in April 2009. It was a picasa album of his visit to Germany,his only trip abroad. I don’t know how I had passed it then, but had. The pics were so perfect, the narration impeccable…ought to be, from someone like him. But my heart tore, as he is not a part of this world any more.

They say time heals. In a way, its true. Life goes on. But what people leave behind make a ocean of a difference to those around. When you miss people it is not necessarily, the physical aspects of men and matter . Its in the smallest of things, in the beautiful memories and the inspiring moments.

Unfortunate though, to a man who meant the world to me, i dont think I did enough. I had never been that expressive kind of person with feelings (until I found some respite in blogging). Anyways, fact is, I had never felt a need to express and I would like to believe what a friend said – they know, parents always know.

The last blog he read of mine was an inspired poetry called ‘best friends’. He read it just before he left to the hospital for his first time admission for a tumour treatment and all he said was “I think you are missing your best friend but you always have the option of also choosing your parents to be one”. I just totally scoffed at the idea in my ever so usual manner of ‘Oh come on!’ (little did i realise i would lose him in a month from then).

And yet…today am inspired to write about him and am not going to resist myself from the flow… He made me feel so special and worthy. He was always ready to talk to me about things and hear anything I say (which over a period of time was practically very little). He was my reference point on anything I wanted to know. I still remember I learnt the meaning of the F letter word from him. Someone mentioned it at my school as an unutterable word and I went back to check with him. If he was surprised, he never showed. He simply gave an example of what a pair of street dogs did a couple of days back and said humans do similar things and proliferation happens, and that it was a slang.

Sometimes when you see a man living a life of a Buddha you do not want to accept it. Not because it isn’t obvious but because in practicality you think Buddhas are not made for real worlds (my poor version of real world here). Such was my take on my dad.

But am the proudest daughter today to say I grew up with a person who simply by his deeds showed how life is to be lived .   He stayed humble, curious (with a highly scientific bent of mind) and strong, facing life alike in adversity or otherwise.  He had no regrets and carried no unnecessary baggages. He had an unimaginable way of treating everyone with love no matter what. Somehow he was simply incapable of finding shortcomings in anyone. If he found value in doing something for someone he would do it – no matter who it was.  He was always abreast of the happenings around and would never sit idle.   Learning, doing & serving – in other words simply living without further thoughts – that pretty much sums him.

Here is something I wish to say to anyone reading this.   Its easy to believe life would always be the way it is. But, everything will change and there will be a time when the very things you thought were yours will be no more. Retrospective thoughts and theories are futile.   A big difference a human can make is in the way he lives, and in the way he makes his people feel….worthwhile, special or otherwise!

There are times you feel hollow

Like a life without a soul

When you lose someone

Who inspires you the most!

 

In such times though you grope for words

They feel so shallow

And justice it does not,

To express the depth

Of the way you felt!

 

But true gratitude or in memory of

Would be to immortalize

The best of the values you learnt from them

By passing it on to the rest of the world…

Then the flame of their wonderful memories

And good life, would go around

And live a befitting life, in the souls of men

Who would never let them die !

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When their magic wand is yours !

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Some folks walk into your life

They discover how special you are

They revel in the difference you make to them

And slowly, they give away a piece of themselves

Without as much as second thoughts ,

For they find in you the safest place

To place their own precious magic wands!

 

 

Alas they don’t tell you these are magical

And made of trust or friendship or love or bountiful goodness in thought

That can make them or break them

And that whatever you choose to do with it,

They will never be the same again !

 

 

Their wand is yours now

You could flood them with inexpressible joy

Inspire them with your thoughts and deeds

Create an infectious happiness viral

That could eternally drift around

All thanks to you !

 

 

Try, just try, to do a little of it, if not all

And see when even a little could mean a lot !

Try, just try, to believe & watch them soar

And witness the wonders, only sheer trust could unfold!

 

 

Light up !

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DSC_0359May your life illuminate
With sparkles of joy and cheer
May the lights
Dispel the gloom of ignorance and fear!

 

May you find the strength
To light up your lives
By fighting the right fights
And create a future shining bright !

 

May you ignite the fire within you
In your quest to understand the real you
May the lights within ring in the truth
And may you experience eternal bliss !

“Surprise! “….. Just bring them on !

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Magic wands on fairy godmothers,

Pregnant ducks with golden eggs ,

Knights in glittering armors sweeping off the blues,

A little bean seed leading to endless fortunes…

Well, the wishlist is endless

But tales are tales and best to leave them there

And look for ways to feel the real joys, now and here !

 

A volley of caring thoughts

From a friend , so dear,

Or a carefully crafted bouquet of little things

Specially designed for the unique you,

Could suddenly mean a lot in the world to you!

A ‘missed you’ hug that could fill up a book

A ‘can do’ pat, to cheer you up

Could bring up a smile that lasts long enough!

 

Well, when any of these come, when you least expect

Like a sudden cloud burst, right out of the blue

It sure adds to the charm, like the toppings on a stew!

I for sure, do love these pleasureable ‘surprises’!

So bring them on or pass them on

And fill the air with that undeniable charm !

Silence Speaks !

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Silence , an inner voice whispering without a noise,
Language stemming from way within
With infinite connotations,
Leaving  scope  for indefinite deliberations !
 
It is elegant silence,
When verbal expressions are denounced
So as to not hurt someone
And impulsive assaults held back
To save the moment !

It is pseudo silence
When it appears to be calm and serene,
But right underneath, a volcano is brewing beneath !
                         
It is enigmatic silence
When its meant to keep speculations strife
And grapewines live
What with the telltales and the hearsays!

It is strategic silence
When used as a stealth weapon
To avoid an onslaught or to save a war
Or to manipulate in desired ways
By the crafty and the ace!
 
It is vicious silence, if meant to harm
When yielded like a sword, without a word
Cutting through layers, sans even pincers.

 

It is noble silence,
When in deepest reverie we are struck by some thoughts profound ,
When we feel so at bliss,
When we relive the moments that we so cherish,
That teaches us such a lot
And it feels shallow to express
For it can never justify what it felt
May be, its illumination, at its best !

Its Dark!

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Dark
 
To define the times of pain and grief
What could be more right
Than the rhythms I see in those nights?
 
 
Doing this and that,
Scurrying hither and thither,
Meeting her and him,
With etc, etc filling in…
All so possible during the day,
Just to fritter the time away,
While deftly and desperately
I make an honest attempt,
To avoid those daunting thoughts.
 
 
And then….
The darkness, as it sets in
Lets the sinister silence engulf me.
It forces me to watch, my own pandoras box,
Oh so brilliantly displayed, by my relentless thoughts.
 
 
The creepy shadows,
They play around shamelessly
In the teeny weeny hours of the night
Changing their forms and the games.

 
I only meant to watch
But they drag me along
With a force so demonic
That am soon sucked into the grind.
 
 
Now I start playing those ‘you will never hear about’ games
With the myriad shapes and forms,
And so involved I grow to be
That I notice no more,
That the shadows aren’t there any more.
 
 
It is just wholly, purely and solely me now,
And the games have seized me completely,
Leaving so so little to intellect,
Until a point, I can bear no more.
Then I scream out so loud
Yet no one can hear
And I look out wishfully
For the slightest ray of the morn!
 
 
Was it a night mare
Or the Satan on a mare,
Embarking on a joy ride
In the gloom of the dark?